The Christian Cliche

A friend of yours is going through a rough time. do you:

a. Listen to your friend's problem. Then, when it seems clear that the person has said what he/she needs to say and gotten out what he/she needs to get out, analyze the situation and offer sound advice for the person to follow.

b. Sit there while the person is talking and begin formulating your response to the person's problem so that when he/she tells you what he/she needs to tell you, you can quickly respond and hopefully have solved the problem.

c. Listen to the person and then offer him/her some phrase as comfort, such as "It will all be ok." or "Remember that God is in control, and He knows what He's doing." Something to that effect, hoping to help the person feel comforted in his/her situation.

d. Listen to the person share his/her problem. Then say nothing to the person regarding the solving of said problem and just be there to be with the person.

So what would you do? Now- what is the ideal for what you should do?

Now, shoot me if I'm wrong, but- the answer is D. I think most of us would agree that B is not a good option- because it doesn't even really involve listening to the person. But both A and C, while they may seem to be good options, are not correct.

I was thinking the other day as I was going through my normal life of something, and someone said something to me that made me think, "ok- that couldn't possibly be any more of a cliche!" And it got me to thinking of this- Christians are notoriously problem solvers! Not that being a problem solver is necessarily a bad thing, but when someone is going through a rough time, often times they do not need their problem solved. Often times we really need someone to "cry" with us, or an ear to listen to us, or...

Let me relay a story. The last person I dated before meeting the woman of my dreams who will be my wife in less than 2 months (can't wait!) broke up with me. Surprise, surprise- that's probably the biggest reason why we're still not dating- breaking up will do that to a relationship (hehe- it's a joke). But after she broke up with me and I was kinda hurting, I had everyone tell me some wonderful advice- stuff like "God's got someone better for you" and "You're better off without her" and... stuff like that- and while that may have been VERY true (particularly the first one), they are all cliches that I did not need to hear at that point in time. What I needed was what my friend Timmy gave me- an ear to listen, to affirm what I was doing, and to not feed me phrases i've heard a dozen times, or courses of action I could have come up with on my own.

Timmy and I then got talking, and I was complaining about how much people just gave me lines that I didn't need to hear AGAIN, and he and i got talking. Why is is that we always feel like we need to help people and solve their problem? Say the right words and make the person go from sad to happy. It is the Lord who will turn the person's mourning into dancing, not us- but we feel like we're the best way to help a person turn away from the sadness he/she is feeling.

But what if that feeling is necessary? The sadness is needed- and could easily build them up into a better person, or... sorry- that's a cliche in and of itself- the whole character building issue.

So the next time someone has a problem, then why don't we move more quickly to the listening stage and hold off on the advice stage, the cliche stage, or the "let me do what everyone else is doing and try to make you go from sad to happy." As if it will work now because you're doing it, even though so many others have tried, or will try after you. It seems everyone is trying to solve the problem of those who deal with them.

everybody's doing it... doing it... doing it- picking it and chewing it, chewing it, chewing it... thinking it's bubble gum but it snot.

(sorry, just the random phrase that popped into my head to close this- a chant my brothers and i used to quote when we were young)