a few refelctions on being "home"

I am now in the state that I called home for more than 6 years of my life. 4 years at college and another 2 not more than an hour from college when I was at my first ministerial position. There have been a lot of things going through my head as these past few days have progressed- particularly as we joined New Hope Christian Fellowship Wednesday night- and I’m going to process them here. Some thoughts are more refined than others- and most have been bounced back and forth between Rachel and myself.

We walked into church for the holy week service, we were warmly greeted by almost everyone in the room- some of them surprised- but all of them seemed glad to have us there. A little reflection left me thinking- this is the first time in a year and a half that I’ve come to church and felt that people actually cared that I was there. And not only that, but feeling that the people who are there actually care about Rachel and I. In other words, it was the first time we had felt at home in a church in that time.

That’s kind of sad. I know that some of the people cared that we were at Grace and cared for us there. But there were not many, and most of them were teenagers, who, as much as I love them, are not very good at showing gratitude. Not our group specifically, but teenagers in general. They do not show appreciation much, so as much as I knew the cared that we were there, they did not often express that.

We also listened to some good preaching. We listened to sermons from Doug at New Hope as we drove across the country, and it was nice to hear him share a little at the service. It was not laden with nonsensical references or with a “hook” that often had little to do with the message. He was not even “preaching” per se, but he shared with us a good word regarding footwashing in particular. I noted the following to remember. Hearing Doug preach, I feel confident in my faith and, for lack of a better word, “proud” of being a Christian. Hearing my last senior pastor preach almost always made me feel ashamed of being a Christian. I felt completely edified by Doug and the way he lifts up the Body, even when chastising them, using words to encourage them and spur them on to do better. my last church, I felt belittled, berated and torn down- almost trying to tell us how terrible we are in order for us to do better. similar to the way a coach will tell his athletes they are nothing to try and get more from them... except that doesn't work all that often.

Another random reflection- for as spiritually dry as I have been for this time since going to Oregon, I realized that I can fake pretty well. There will always be tell-tale symptoms, and of course, I never fooled myself or God, but after a certain point of pouring out, I had nothing left in the tank and was not being fed replenishment. I went from ministering out of overflow to ministering out of habit. And my faith and life became very dry and cracked. And yet, I kept the face up and did not let us because I was a pastor, and I already had felt as though my senior pastor, instead of encouraging me, would belittle me.

Good Friday songs for reflection

I was listening to these songs thursday night while falling asleep and found them to convey the reflections I like to make as I think upon the death and resurrection of my Savior. I wanted to share them with you and invite you to reflect on these lyrics as well.

and i know it's not Good Friday anymore- but I wasn't home to post these yesterday.

How Deep the Father's Love
How deep the Father’s love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That he would give his only Son
To make a wretch his treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns his face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon his shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from his reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

In Christ Alone
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This corner stone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, and strivings cease
My comforter, my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save

Till on that cross, as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
for every sin on him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

Here in the ground, his body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave he rose again

And as he stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am his and he is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from his hand
Till he returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

OR to PA (day 4- the finale)

Ok, so… Rachel and I talked last night and decided with the possibility of rain and our overwhelming feeling of “we’re so close, let’s just finish” that we had, we skipped going to Chicago. We were going to get up and get a 7amish start from the hotel, but I woke up around 4 and couldn’t sleep, and Rachel woke up, too- so we were out the door by 5 and on the road at 5:20 (after gassing up and getting McD’s breakfast). We set the clock to EST (a few hours early) to get ourselves on the same time and got going.

and... long story short, we arrived back in PA a little before 7pm EST. we were just tired and wanted to arrive here... and to be honest, i've typed myself out. not e-mailing or blogging for a few days. note how short this is- i've typed all these days, i've also done a lot of typing to help process. so... yeah.

anyway- thanks for reading- after we get the PC set up, i'll post some pictures and maybe video- keep looking for it.

later, all- leave comments, messages or even phone calls- all are welcome.