Called

I am in a precarious place. I feel called. But I am not there. I feel a definite call to ministry- a desire to be a servant of the servants of Christ. My heart and my life have been dedicated and consecrated to serving God's purposes. And more specifically, I feel called to lead teenagers. Lead them to Christ, be there for them, be involved in their lives, and ultimately, see the gospel ring true in their lives. I feel compelled to use music and worship as a part of this, and yet know that some teens just aren't ready for that. But I must do what I am called to do.

But I am not doing that right now. I am searching, hard, to find the next step- since my first ministry position was cut short. It was a hard goodbye, and many people still do not feel the leadership did right by the people in the church. But that's neither here nor there. What is reality is that were i offered my old job back, I would say not. I am without a job- meaning that my passion and what my livelihood are unfulfilled. I am a man who is being dragged down because he is unable to fulfill His God-given calling. This is not due to a lack of looking, it is due to the fact that no one has felt led by the Spirit to offer me the position they have open. In all fairness, most of them have not offered me anything, even a simple acknowledgement of recieving my resume. But those who have talked with me have said no, or nothing at all. But, again, in fairness, some of the churches that have said no I have not felt as good about, anyway.

But I digress. I feel called, and yet... I am not there. However, I am here. And where I am is not where I feel called to. I'm living in lancaster county, a nice place, a nice area. But I have nothing here. Family of my wife, and a community- no- family, that I can no longer call my own. I've been, at the request of the "parents" of that family, disowned. Not that I can blame them- they are moving into volunteer leaders to fill my position, and they do not want other vying with me for loyalty. I did have a number of people who would support me even now. I do not need to make it harder on the volunteers. But I still feel like a man who has been asked to leave his family. I can still talk with some of them, but our weekly family gatherings are off-limits to me. This place can no longer be called my home. And by this place, I mean this area where I have nothing except my wife.

It is interesting- I was talking with Luke the other day and he is also leaving his position. Feeling similar things- hurts for the teenagers he leave behind, desire for community, etc... And he told me that he is still called to Presque Isle, Maine. Different calling... He is in the place he feels called to, he just needs to figure out what his role is now. I, on the other hand, feel called to the role, but have no idea what the place...

Who is right? or is there right? And whose position do you not envy? personally, i feel like i'm in the tougher place... But I suppose he may disagree...

Calling- strange... Do we ever feel "uncalled"?