To keep, or not to keep...
What do you do when your ministry loses someone? Someone decides for some reason that they're not going to be around for your ministry anymore? Do you say, "don't let the door hit you on the way out"? Do you beg and plead with them to stay, even though it may mean a bad attitude to deal with? Is the concern having the number, or is the concern that people are reached and changed?
I have some in my youth ministry who have decided they don't like our ministry anymore- and in particular, don't like my fiancee because of the change of her role in their lives (and change that happens normally in people's lives as the grow closer to some and go further from others- see previous post). They are not coming anymore- the students have decided that, and because the parents let their kids do whatever, there is no forcing them to come. I am not saying I want the parents to force their teens to come, but since when was family dynamic a democracy? Last I knew, there were some things that I had no vote on.
Anyway, for whatever reason, the parents (who also do not like change- and this change) are letting their students do this, and they themselves may not be much longer headed for our fellowship. They are moving to a house 45 minutes minimum from the church (which they knew when the bought the place) and it seems they may not be long left for us.
So my question is this- how much sweat do I spend? I want these teens to like our ministry- i want them to like my fiancee, and I want them to be plugged in here. But- do we simply try to allow for reconciliation and let that be it? Telling them that if they want to work things out, call us, and then let them go?
What hurts most is when someone has a problem with you, but they will not tell you directly and you hear it from someone else... and they try to downplay this as not terribly serious, but it is hard to blow something out of proportion such as not attending a youth ministry anymore for these reasons- that's pretty darn big as it is.
so my question remains- what do we do when people decide to leave? Do we chase after them? I know that if these students were to stay, we might have a different atmosphere in our youth meetings, which would not be as good... But as these two go, we will likely lose 2 or 3 more who only were coming because of them... Good riddance? Please come back? It's hard to see someone go, but perhaps seeing some who live in a different social world, and those who change the social dynamic of the ministry for the not as good is not as bad as it seems?
My heart still goes out for these teenagers- I feel that they need to be plugged in, and I am concerned that they may not be- particularly with the parents feelings being the way they are. I want with all of me for these girls to experience something different- but alas- i cannot make that happen either.
Good riddance? happy trails? how about this- sorry for the way things turn out. we're here for you if you ever want to be back. blessings- pastor reid
1 comment:
i came across you randomly and thought that i would respond. my husband and i worked in youth ministry for a little while and we spent the years of our youth being involved in our respective youth groups.
it is difficult to know when to stop "hunting" kids down....mainly because kids tend to sense "reaching out" as nagging. kids don't want someone to tell them what they're "supposed" to do and what they "should do." they want someone who will reach out to them, not preach at them. if someone decides to leave your youth group, your job is not to respond with an attitude of "don't let the door hit you on the way out" think of how many times we walk out the door of god's face and he doesn't say "that's it...you've done it...see ya."
your job is not so much to get the kids to "like" your ministry....you can throw things in their face that may like them to "like" your ministry, but then where's your focus? i'm saying this in response to one of the youth groups i grew up in....they entertain their kids by a huge youth room packed with video games, pool tables, etc., and by giving away ipods, gamecubes, etc. and completely miss the god part of the meeting. it's really sad. so, of course getting kids to like your youth group is important, but i wasn't sure what you were meaning.
too often, people leave churches because of hurt feelings. when will people get over this? aren't we all the body of christ - regardless of where we go to church? if people feel they are called to go elsewhere, we aren't supposed to just throw our hands up....we are still to respond to them in love and prayer. that's our job...god can surely handle the rest....
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