Who was the One PERFECT man?

It's me- in case you want the answer to the question that is the name for this post.

Actually- it's not. I'm just a pastor- but some people expect me to be. WHY?? I have been workin' on this "Christian" thing for a while now, and I've come to a few conclusions. First of all, if i live with a defeatist mentality of believing that I can overcome no obstacles, then I will be a fortune teller- predicting my own future littered with only struggle and no success. However, I have also learned that I am not perfect- and struggle and toil as I may, I am not always the winner. As a matter of fact, I'm not the winner as much as I want to be- and probably not as much as people think I should be.

People can do their own thing, struggle with their own sin, but when the pastor also deals with it- particularly unspoken sins that no one talks about- kick the pastor out. I understand there is a need for a higher standard for Christian leaders- after all, we are representatives of Christ who are "trained" for being servants of the servants of Christ. It is partly our job to be spending enough time with God to be able to discern His direction, path and purpose for our ministries.

But why must I be perfect? Paul himself- arguably the greatest apostle, tells of the thorn in his side that he prayed would be removed. As I've read and studied, I believe it not to be a literal thing, but to be something he continually struggled with. Even if I'm wrong, Paul had a thorn that God would not remove and he still had in him. There is something about Paul that was not perfect for some reason.

Is there an unwritten rule- pastor's cannot be sinners? I don't know about many other pastors, but I haven't been saved my whole life- I was a sinner before I knew Christ. I still have that sin knocking on my door- I am far from perfect!!

However- my focus is right- my direction is true. I focus on Christ- my life is pointed toward Him and He is the director for my life. I seek Him, I desire Him, and even though I may grieve Him with my sin, I want to please Him.

And what is my punishment when I fail? Does God decide I'm not fit for His kingdom and I'm no longer a Christian? Do I get chastised? Does everything go wrong in my life because of my hidden sin? NO!!! All the punishment that God will mete out to me has already been placed on my Savior. All the punishment that anyone desrves for our sin has already been put on Christ.

So- maybe i'm the only one who struggles with this, but why am I unrealistically expected to be perfect? If you have the answer- try to get my attention by tinking on the glass of this fishbowl I live in. I'm looking forward to that magic thing that will make me perfect- so that Jesus isn't alone as the only perfect one. He must be lonely up there.