the big Five-Oh

yup, that's right- according to blogger, this is my fiftieth post (or 50th for those of you who prefer the numerical). I kinda feel like Strong Bad must have when he did his 50th e-mail. except there is no party with mine, and no 50 e-mails to respond to. it would be cool to get 50 comments, tho...

however, that seems quite unlikely. i'm just reflecting a little now... I'm a man without a home. I am leaving where I have been for the past week and a half today- northern maine. the place where i grew up, the place I called home for more than 20 years of my life, and the place where my mom still lives, and my family still inhabits. I have dozens of friends up here, lots of people whom i could continue building solid friendships and relationships. I have a church up here that I could call home, a ministry i could be involved in, and confidants in whom i could trust and confide.

yet, it is not home for me. It's not where i belong, and thoough I may like being here, it's simply not my home.

I am on my way back down to Pennsylvania- to an area where my wife's family lives, and to an area i've lived for the past year an a half of my life. I had called it home once, but no longer. I had laid my head not more than an hour away from this place for 4 and a half years of my life, in college, and in the job hunting stage thereafter, but it was never really home. however, i have again, a church i could go to, lots of friends, people who love me, ministry i could be involved in... etc, etc.. and again, it is not home. i do not belong... i'm simply passing through, and this time it is even more evident.

I leave in a week and a half to go to Oregon. Medford, to be exact. I have been there once, have accepted a part-time job out there and rachel and I are on our way. shortly. The funny thing is, it will take a while to call this place home. I have no more friends there than I was able to meet in a weekend- mostly acquaintances at that... I have a church to be involved in, but my first experiences there will be jumping in and leading stuff. I look forward to building relationships, and look forward to making it my home, but it's hard to call it that now- not with having not yet lived there, and not been there very long...

So where is home? i don't know- i only have a place to rest my head. Rachel and I both. And not that I compare myself to Jesus, but... didn't Jesus have no place to call His home when He was here? maybe it's cuz this place, any place we may be isn't our home... We're just passing through...

maybe... but that doesn't mean we don't take care of it, or we don't care about people... it simply means that we do not become too attached to any of it... i guess it's hard for me to feel attachment to places... now it is, anyway...