so frustrated

This morning, our church had a service performed by our 2006 Guatemala team. I have observations that I want to make known, and yet just about everyone in my congregation will not agree with me.

In a nutshell, it was, to me, the pinnacle of American ethno-centrism masked by good intentions. I'm not trying to bash anyone's thoughts, his/her feelings from going, or his/her intentions. But I am trying to say this- short term mission trips are beginning to really annoy me. Comments I heard that annoyed me: "Everyone needs to go," "They need us there," "I didn't want to go back home," "I think we got more from being there than they did"... I've heard that last one too many times. While it may be true, I'm not sure I like it.

First (comment), everyone does not NEED to go. Everyone needs to serve, needs to be involved in helping others and in showing God's love and justice. That does NOT require going to another country, or even another town. Everyone should be involved in God's work, but going to another country isn't the only way to do so. And as a matter of fact, it is the most expensive way to do so! If you're really all about serving, then it shouldn't matter whether it's Guatemala, Cambodia or your neighbor's backyard.

Second (comment)- They do NOT need us there. As a matter of fact, us going as short termers often times makes things more messy than before. They got along without us before we went, they can do so after. Our team built two houses- Guatemalans have built houses before and did not need us to do so. We put shoes on kids who needed them- we could have sent the shoes and national ministers and full-time missionaries could put them on. And they sent the Jesus film- which we could have sent and not just taken. While it's good service, and the projects were very other people centered, they did not NEED our people there to do it. Our people were simply helpers. To say that another country needs us is the most ethno-centric comment one could make. It somehow implies that God is not going to get the word out without you, and it implies that we have the answer they are incapable of finding unless we go. We have abilities they do not have. This is not true. There are lots of people who have the answer (Jesus) who can share it who live there and don't have to spend thousands of dollars each to be there. Beyond that, there is a little boy who is now being supported by one of our couples who went. Now, it may well be expected that people from every missions group will "adopt" through support children there. Dependency is created because we think they need us.

Third (comment)- You must come home. Even if you don't want to. And being in that state of mind will make you hate home. But beyond that, you have only had a one week glorified version of missions. If you were to be there for a month or more and without a full team of friends around you, you would get a better view of what full-time missionaries and missions work is all about. If they all left and you stayed to continue to love the people there, it would be hard. A friend of mine on my second Ukraine trip (she'd been on the first one, too) stayed a few extra days after the trip to visit and hang out with the people in the town that we'd been to on our first trip. She said that after we left, it was tough and it wasn't what she thought it was. One week trips do not give a good view of missions. I have friends on the field who felt called through short term trips and then realized it was not what they expected when they got there full-time. Beyond that, this desire not to leave leads to promises of returning. That's the worst thing you could do because even if you do return, you can't get them that attached to you. it leads to dependency. Do not promise to return, or write, or e-mail or call...

Fourth (comment)- while it may be true that you got a lot, that's not the most important thing. And it's not the most important thing to take away. The motivation needs to be serving and giving, not receiving. After you return, if you're only focused on what you've received, it makes you want to go again and soon because you want the experience again. If you only focus on how you felt for it, you may have that as a motivation from then on. And it leads to people saying stuff like "Everyone needs to go"- because I had such a great experience, others would get that experience too. But when push comes to shove, next year when the trip comes up, people who have gone will not willingly give up their spot so someone else can go, even if they said that everyone should go. just doesn't happen.

other thoughts from the service... Not trying to say it was a waste of money, but if $26,000 was raised for the trip, could it have not been spent better if $26,000 were sent to national ministers and missionaries to spend- paying for workers on the houses and people to do what our team had done? They likely could have built more than 2 houses and done a LOT more. Especially because they can live on less there. But the travel costs would not have to be paid. And God's work still would have gotten done.

more other thoughts- Some parents are talking about their 9-year-old or younger children going next year. I think that they don't have a good understanding of the right motivation. I have seen it before and it has never worked out well to have young children on mission trips. The child is not as able to help with the physical work and the VBS stuff, they are ministered to, not ministers. The parent is also made almost useless because he/she is always concerned about and watching after the child(ren). If you really see missions as about serving the people you're going to, then leave the children home. If you want your children to go, you can't honestly think they have the ability to make the cost of getting them there worth having them there. It's gotta be about my child having the experience. If it costs 1000 for travel for each person, then it's a waste of not only $1,000, but actually $2,000 because the parent's impact is lessened. Also, one woman in our church is going to Africa with a big team for the ONLY purpose of taking video equipment to that country! Why do they need a team? I don't know- but most people won't actually be doing anything while there. And If I were asked to go, I would ask why do I need to go?

another thought: We're going back next year. To the same country. While I know there is a lot of work to be done there, there are other countries. And I also agree that it is good to make a difference in one place because it can feel like too little if going to many places. But I don' t think that's the thought behind it. And I don't think that's a good enough reason to get everyone to think about only one other country. It's great to get others thinking outside of their own country, but it needs to be world minded, not just America and Guatemala minded. I saw the same thing at New Hope with Bolivia. There are other countries, and God is at work in all of them. It would not be bad to go to another country, or better yet, do lots of service projects around here instead.

Another thought (not missions related): the music was sub-par. The guitar/leader was very folky sounding. And they practiced last week for a sound check, then changed the whole thing. Added two more singers and sang with mics in stands instead of holding them (which meant the voices didn't get picked up because the singers were so far away). As the sound guy, it was not a good way to start for me. And the music hurt me... It was... hurtful to me. I couldn't really handle it... If I came for this service, I wouldn't have been back. I'm not trying to say I'm all that, because I'm not, but I think that the music I do is more reaching of younger people.

Another thought: I feel like we've got our people bringing American Christianity instead of the seed of the gospel there. Kind of a side effect I'm sure of our pastor seeming to try and bring "Alabaman" Christianity to Oregon. The team did a "Spanish" worship song this morning that was nothing more than an American worship song (now relegated to a kid's song, to boot) that has Spanish words instead of English (and only 3 words that needed translation at that). yet they believed it was a Spanish worship song. *Buzzer* Wrong! It's American worship songs converted. Songs that they wrote and they sing are Spanish worship songs. Not ours converted...

Both Rachel and I had a hard time with the service. We actually have wondered if we're really supposed to be here because of this and some other things (particularly how the church is more elderly people than we thought and while the pastor loves young couples and families, I don't see him actually drawing them in- his preaching style is very mellow and almost emotionless sometimes- hand motions that distract and don't add anything, and mostly, modern preaching that often times is not challenging). All things equal, this service did not help us feel more like we belong. It gave me another "we disagree with this pastor on yet another issue." (do not take this the wrong way- I still feel like we're ok here. I'm not considering moving, and I'm not considering another church. I'm not thinking I don't belong. I'm just venting... It's frustrating to feel like opposite sides on a lot of issues with the senior pastor. We're ok, though. For now- but pray for us)

Final thoughts- I don't feel I can support the trip next year. In fact, I'm not sure I'll go on another mission trip again. If I feel like doing something internationally, I will send my money where they can use it all, not only part of it because I had to spend money to go. If a person cannot do service locally, they do not need to go. The Great Commission is to make disciples, not to go on short term mission trips. And making disciples can be done more cost-efficiently and often times effectively (because nationals understand the culture better) without short term trips. I think people need to think of others, but the glamour of going outside the country can be... enticing and give wrong ideas.

I don't really know how to end this, but.. I'll just call it quits.

Grammar Freak

Ok, so I will admit this to you all freely. I am a grammar freak! There's no way around it. I try my best to use proper grammar whether I am on myspace, an IM program, typing e-mails or any other thing that grammar may be used for.

When I was in college, there was this sign posted all over our floor proclaiming that "There is no grammar" and of course, we would make fun of it and try to use improper grammar to say the same thing (aka- there's no grammars, there ARE no grammar, etc...) It was funny. But when I was in college, I also learned as much about the English language and proper use of it as I did when I was in high school (although my hat tips to Mr. Waddell- My public speaking teacher in high school my senior year- for beginning me along this journey).

So why do I share this? Simple- I find myself frequenting forums through myspace and other venues. I talk to people online. And while I have grown so much in my grammar freak ways (I used to send spelling mistakes back to people I talked to on IM... *shudder*), I still am very bothered by improper use of our language. And Rachel can attest to that, I will find grammar mistakes wherever they may be and mention them.

With that said, I have prepared a simple grammar lesson that everyone should use, and is not complicated. It should have been taught to you in first or second grade, but here we are.

Apostrophes have a purpose and should be used! And used correctly! the word "im" means nothing, although I read it all over the place. Because it is two words (I + am), it should be I'm (although I'm very tolerant of non-capitalized letters- using Microsoft Word has made me lazy and I find msyelf often not capitalizing). An apostrophe should be used ANY time you are combining two words (commonly called a contraction) and MOST times that you make something possessive (although there are a few cases that it is not needed).

There are three spellings for this word- they are "there", "their" and "they're". Following the last paragraph, the one that is underused the most is "They're"- any time you are trying to say "they are" you should use They're (easy way to remember- you drop the letter "a" of "are" and an aposotrophe replaces it. If you can say they are in place of the word, then the apostrophe is required). There is a word that refers to a place. Easily remember it by the fact that "here" also refers to a place and it is found in "there". And the last one is the possessive used for a group. Their. It is their ball.

Another lesson. The word its. This is a little tougher, but more commonly misused. It's because it violates the possessive rule of apostrophes. But you should follow the contraction rule first, anyway. The apostrophe belongs ONLY if you're taking the words "it + is" and combining them. Plain and simple.

There are three spellings for to. "Two", "too" and "to". Easy- "two" is ALWAYS the number. "Too" should only be used as an "also" kind of word. It is in addition (easy to remember- there's an "addition"al "o"). And the last "to" is any other case.

These are the things that bother me the most. Try to use them correctly.

But also, if you would like to try and use the language correctly, here are a few other very common mistakes. The word "they" is ONLY used to refer to multiple people. It annoys me endlessly when someone says "I just talked to them" and was referring to one person. The correct SINGULAR words to use are him, her, he, she, or one. "I just talked to him," or "he is going to help us," or "if someone does something wrong, he/she/one (take your pick) should be punished." it is not "if someone does something wrong, they should be punished." that is BAD- you are mixing singular from the word "someone" and plural from the word "they". It must be either both singular, or both plural.

Finally- an "s" does not belong at the end of all words. It belongs mostly at the end of plural words, or after the apostrophe of most possessive words. The word "anyway" requires NO "S"!!! Please, friends, family, make attempts to not add an extra, unnecessary "s."

Thank you.

What a day!

Yesterday, having decided a couple days earlier to do so, Rachel and I got in the car (the Camry), gased up (a totally expensive affair these days) and drove! We drove to the coast. It's a strange trip- the quickest way to the coast for us is to drive 30 miles north to Grant's Pass, then drive southwest into California and to the coast.

Actually, in all fairness, we decided we were going to try to drive down to the Redwood National forest and see some of the amazing redwood trees. But since that's right near the coast, we decided to go there, too, since I've had this inherent desire to see the Pacific Ocean for a LONG time! And living so close, it's just... gotta be done.

The drive was absolutely beautiful! It was like our drive through northern California (on our move out here) times 10. Mountains, trees, snow-caps, rivers, cliffs- it was... wow. Once you get into California, the road follows the sides of mountains- up some, down some and always around corners. Some corners you barely can see anything, some are 25mph and you'd better do that. And the road follows a river, so it's like- one side of you is mountain, the other is open air and a huge drop down into the river, which is completely lined with rocks on either side. and huge rocks.

The view down from the road at one of the middle/lower points of the road.

The redwood forest, what we saw of it, was absolutely amazing. We didn't get as far as we'd liked to have fo the day, but we still had an amzing day. The redwoods in the norther part of the forest are huge, and we found a place to take a nice hike- although it would be awesome to find bigger trails.


Rachel and I in front of one of the average sized redwood trees... Wow!

The Pacific Ocean in Norther California is what I'd hope it would be and then more! I'm told the Oregon Coast is even better, so I'm totally stoked to do that! When we stopped, it was so freakin' windy!! Can't believe how windy it was, but it made the waves crash on the rocks and... added to the feeling.


picture of me- looking toward the ocean. amazing! words can't describe...

I have sized down a handful of pictures and put them together in some pages, you can check the out by clicking HERE

It was such a great day! The scenery could not be described- God's handiwork displayed all around us! It was so... can't describe it! It reminded me, as I said, of our drive on the way moving here through northern California, but 10 times better! Everything we saw kinda reminded me of things I'd seen, or places I've been, but at the same time, it was like NOTHING I've ever known or experienced! And I mean that- it wasn't the "best" experience, but it was not in the same category as any other.

I encourage you to check out all the pictures- enjoy them, and let me know how you like them! They've been sized down to save website space, but they are good quality. Anyway- enjoy them.

(my apologies if these pictures or the links don't work- my bandwidth transfer/hr is too low- check back later)

strangest thing

Ok, so i was watching tv last night with Rachel- and on one of the local networks, we saw the strangest advertisement i think i've ever seen. It was for a local "magic shop", but the big part of the ad was a sale going on this week. It is the 420 sale... And the majority of the ad focussed on items on sale in their "adults only" section of the magic shop. They showed video and talked about what was back there- it was and advertisement for a BONG sale!! That is mostly what they were selling, except they advertised as "pipes" and stuff like that- pipes, scales, etc.. I have NEVER seen an ad for drug paraphernalia sales before, but we started laughing so freaking hard!! I almost started hicupping due to my laughing... anyway- just a funny story i felt inclined to share.

March Madness

As I type this, i'm excited and disappointed at the same time. I'm watching one of the best basketball games I've watched- perhaps ever- as I watch BC play UNC in the ACC semi-finals. It's exciting, but there's less than a minute and UNC is down by a few... But I'm excited because we're coming up on what i consider to be perhaps my favorite time of the year (for sports, at least...)

Maybe it's because when I was growing up, we only had CBS, PBS and CBC and so the only thing on in March on CBS was March Madness. It was also wicked cold in Maine in March, and nothing better to do besides watch the games... But, until I was in high school, I didn't really care, anyway. Maybe it's because my time in college made me a huge sports fan of all kinds (before, I was really only a hockey fan...).

But I'm pretty sure that the real factors are these.

1. College basketball is the best at demonstrating their sport when they play. Just in general, I find college sports to be better than professional. Not necessarily the level of the play, or the style of the players, but fundementals of the game. And college basketball is the best of college sports to play their game. they play both ends of the court- rules are not altered so much to increase scoring- players are not show-offs (hoping for increased contracts or corporate sponsorships)... it's just a better mindset. and they play the GAME!

2. You will never see a Cinderella story do as much as you will find in the NCAA tournament. The fact that there are 65 teams means that there is HUGE opportunity to be involved, even from lesser known teams. And while there is yet to be a number 16 upset a number 1, there have been multiple close calls and we have seen a number of 15s beat 2s and 14s beat 3s. For those of us who like to root for the underdogs- we get ample opportunity to do so. And even those who are not a number 1 seed seldom live up to the hype- only three times in the history of the tournament have three or more number 1s made it to the final four.

3. Buzzer beaters. everything from half-court, 3/4's court, last-second lay-ups and the inbetweens- buzzer beaters make it exciting. If the lead is only 3 points, it doesn't matter if there's .9 seconds left on the clock, the game isn't over!

4. There is just no end to the action, especially in the early rounds of the tournament. I couldn't turn the television on after noon in the first weekend (first 2 rounds) on CBS and not be watching some game- most likely a great one.

There are other reasons why March Madness is so great, but these are some of the best. I grew up in hockey country- the University of Maine did not have much of a basketball program. So while I'm a UNC fan (and UCONN- my dad lives in Conn), I can cheer just about anybody on (except Duke... always root against them).

As much of a sports fan as I am, I simply am not as excited about any time of year as much as I am about the coming of the NCAA tournament!! it truly is March Madness!

Musical Theology

I was listening to a person the other day talking about something- and it really made me wonder something. Do we honestly get our theology from popular Christian music? and if so, WHY???

Christian music is somewhat of an anomaly. Many churches require their pastors to have some kind of degree and background/training in the Bible of theology. At the very least, a church will require a person to have felt some kind of "call" into ministry and evidence that God is at work in them and revealing the truth of His Word. Christian Colleges and seminaries require that you have an education.

Christian music, in like fashion, requires you to have a discernable amount of MUSICAL talent! The "anomaly", however, is that despite other "christian" occupations or passtimes, there is no required calling, training, or even background in theology or Christianity. All it requires is talent and putting together a few things for lyrics that make Christians feel good. I'm not saying that most bands just put words together, but there is no "theology" checker on music- someone could have bad doctrine in their music and no one wonders.

Case in point- Michael W. Smith had a song a few years ago- I used to own the CD, but gave it to a friend(actually, more that she borrowed it to do a mime to and never gave it back), so i had to look up the song on the "I'll Lead You Home" CD- it's called "Angels Unaware". He mentioned something in there about being "caught in a mental purgatory". the first time i heard it, i thought he said middle purgatory, and regardless of that- i wanted to know if he had some catholic doctrine or influence in his life.

Back in the days of AOL (the 10 hours/month for $10 and then $2/hour after that days- and before there was anything faster than 14.4k modem speeds), i logged onto a guest appearance with Michael W. Smith. People went into the "auditorium" and got seated in "rows" and you could talk as much as you wanted with people in your row. You could even create your row. You could ask Michael any question you wanted through a mediator- you just had to type it in the mediator box. I asked about this 3 or 4 times. They also, at the end of the time, picked one person to "come on stage" and ask any question they wanted to. I so despearately wanted to get up there to ask- most of the questions i saw were along the lines of what is your favorite way of wearing your facial hair, or what's your favorite hairstyle. The person who got to go on stage asked the following question- "do you like ketchup on your eggs?"

i guess there's not much of a market or desire out there for right theology in music. But I want to encourage you to think about this- look into it. Don't just take some band's music as right belief! It goes back to questioning and not simply accepting! And it's worse when some band tries to pass a song off as worship and it's got bad theology! It's bad enough trying to pass some song off as worship, but it's not REALLY worship (like the songs "Who am I" by Casting Crowns, or "I Can Only Imagine" by MercyMe- they aren't worshipping God! ask me about them if you wish). But worse when we've got bad theology in it!

think about it... process it. later.

Paradigm shift

I don't know about anyone else, but i'm kinda getting tired of hearing buzz words. At least, buzz words that don't mean anything they way they're used. Case-in-point- i heard a radio broadcast from Andy Stanley this morning and he was talking about a paradigm shift. I'm sorry but that made me think less of him actually, because he couldn't think of a better way to say what he was saying. What he was talking about doesn't really constitute a paradigm shift- it was more of a revelation moment. Where God revealed something to him that he's always thought otherwise...

does anyone actually know what a paradigm shift is? so many people use the word- heck, even i did- it got me an A on some papers if i used it correctly, but sometimes, I'd get comments back about how it's a buzz word and make sure i'm qualifying what i'm saying is a paradigm shift...

so let's hear it for the end of buzz words and have people just say what they mean...

Check your brains

It seems to be the common practice these days for conservative Christians to not think for themselves. While I know of some people who actually do think, it appears to be a widespread disease of non-thinking among the average evangelical church-goer in America.

Case in point. E-mail. While e-mail is a wonderful thing, it has been such a terrible thing as well. Back when I first was an internet user, I would forward e-mails that came my way. I would pass on funny stories, e-mails urging action, tear jerking stories, etc. Chain letters use to be a small part of regular mail, but it dominated(s) the e-mail world. And I joined in at first. I didn't believe that rabid goats would come down out of the mountains and kill my family if i didn't pass it on, but... I passed stuff on anyway.

I don't anymore- and haven't for YEARS! i don't pass on ANYTHING anymore, because seldom do i see anything new. And I urge my friends and family not to perpetuate the cycle. But I still get e-mails talking about Madeline Murray O'Hare and how she's going to get religious broadcasts cancelled form airwaves. Or the one I got recently about how Oliver North warned us about Osama Bin Laden back in 1987 and said we should assasinate him, and how Al Gore questioned him about it and was indiferent.

I'm not going to fully dispell these, but a little research will find them both not true. Simply not true. First, if Madeline Murray O'Hare were actually alive (minor research tells us that she's dead), and trying to get this stuff shut down, it would be in the news. Censorship, or religious rights, or anything like that is BIG news! BIG! National news. But even if she tried, she cannot get television or radio to ban religious programming, unless she gets them to modify the constitution. Which would be FREAKING HUGE news, so we'd know. And Ollie North warned the US about a terrorist- but it was Abu Nidal. And it was because he had threatened and sent men after Ollie and his family. Osama Bin Laden was only known to some in the US as a freedom fighter in Afghanistan fighting the soviets. They had our support then, because the enemy of our enemy was our friend. And Al Gore was not only not on the comittee that was interviewing North, but the questioning wasn't even by senators.

Long story short on this, visit snopes.com to find out the truth about most of this stuff. It's quick, it's easy. type in whatever you've been hearing as a search and they'll bring up their articles... it's good.

I have digressed, however. The e-mail is what made me want to write this. While I have this inherent desire in myself that wants to believe people and trust that they're honest, you could say i've been a little jaded. I don't believe people the way i want to. Because as much as I want to believe they're honest, if I don't know them, I've got to check it out. Or if the track record is bad, gotta check. That's NOT a bad thing. Just because someone says something, doesn't mean it's true.

George Bush used to call himself Texas' environmental governor. Texas is the WORST state in the union in environmental practices. So what's that saying? Don't get me wrong- i'm not trying to bash Bush. But just because he says he's a Christian, that doesn't mean i automatically believe him! There are televangelists who will claim Christianity, but after seeing and hearing them, I can see that their fruit does not line up.

I know people want to avoid appearing cynical. I do. But at the same time, we are in a world that takes advantage of those who are the opposite. Those who do not question become gullible. People who believe in a ministry and give money, but don't know what that money goes to. I mean, honestly, who would/should support Benny Hinn if they knew he lived in a 10 million dollar home, and makes beteween half a million and a full, cool million each year? I don't care if his ministry can't find the money to do their stuff, they're allocation of money into his salary is ridiculous! If they can't find enough to put on an event or something, maybe they should decide that any Christian who can't survive on less than a million per year needs to re-evaluate his faith!

Is it better to be gullible or cynical? Neither of them is good- but as a responsible person, I would rather be a cynic. 1 Thes. 5:21 "Examine everything carefully- hold fast to that which is good" (NASB) this chapter is a set of short teaching instructions from Paul to close the letter, and the verse is pretty clear- test everything the NIV says. Put it to the test- hold to that which is good (and the opposite of that is to let go of the bad). I think that applies here as we should be aware of the truth of matters, not just believe it because.

Not only do we not ask questions, but some actually encourage others not to ask questions. It's almost as if wondering about the integrity of some televangelist (many of whom have proven themselves swindlers or worse) weakens our own faith! OR something- i'm not sure! But in reality, it perpetuates the status quo, which isn't all that great... My wife worked for a parachurch organization that does not disclose their finances and therefore is not responsible to anyone for that. However, they actually chastise people involved with the organization who DO ask about financial things. This organization "tithes" to their leaders who own a FREAKIN' huge ranch. Not only is that wrong, but tithing to people isn't tithing! On top of that, some of their facilities are falling apart, and yet for the higher ups in the organization, there always seems to be money to renovate their offices. People donate money for renovation then never see it. A friend of my wife actually saw his dad dismissed for asking where the money for that came from, and criticizing that they have an "unkown" bank account that holds money for that...

Anyway- the moral of the story is- asking questions should be a good thing! Testing is good. Faith is not blind, and God gave us a brain with critical thinking skills for a reason- we should use it! any other instances you'd care to share that you know of blind "faith" somewhere? or thoughts?

silence

can somebody please shut this guy up? i'm seriously considering a mob hit..

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/01/05/robertson.sharon/index.html

Take the Leap

I was watching Steve Martin today- in the movie “Leap of Faith.” It made me shiver to watch. Because it looked like a mix Benny Hinn, Marilyn Hickey and Joel Osteen! He was preaching- if you could call it that- and quoting miscellaneous Bible verses and talking about “getting saved.” There was no mention of sin, but there was a story about a guy who needed “faith.” Actually, he needed not to be afraid of men with a 9mm, he just needed to get the “12-gauge super charged grenade launcher of FAITH!!!”

Seriously, he had this… healing thing going on. He ended the shows by “Feeling a healing comin’ on!” It’s like- Benny Hinn. The healing man. He “healed” these people, as he said, according to their faith. When people came up to get healed, he laid hands on them and pushed them over, or whacked them with his hands, or held his hand on them and started shaking and getting them to shake too. He must have the kind of faith that he could pass off on the people.

He told them “the move you give, the more you live.” I got the sudden desire to become a faith covenant partner because I just want to live longer. Cuz, let’s face it- God won’t strike me dead as long as I keep putting money into his pocket, right?

As a preacher, Martin always had his smiley face on! He was always excited, and he fed people misused Bible verses and easy answers. He put on a GOOD show- pyrotechnics, a full choir singing good ol’ gospel songs. And he actually has this jacket that is completely large, silver, sparkly, shiny panels that reflect the light and wow the eye.

But he’s a shyster. His people sit in the audience and start to get the crowd fired up when they’re not responding to the preaching. All it takes a little of that, and then the first healing, and pretty soon, there’s no dead audience. He has a night of question and answer time when he doesn’t actually answer anyone’s question, he just gives easy answers that makes everyone forget what the real issue is.

Now, don’t get me wrong- I’m not accusing any of the people mentioned here as being shysters. Furthest thing from it. But I am asking what do these people offer that Steve Martin could not offer? He was a “good” preacher- catch phrases, loud preaching- he made you believe it! But he offered people nothing other than “hope” which, while good, is not right. God offers more than hope, and real preaching needs to offer more than just hope- it needs to offer answers! Hope is a good thing, but if I start spouting out verses, claiming a name I don’t believe, etc- it’s NOT good enough. And people hearing it, well..

Anyway- Steve Martin actually goes so far as to claim that while he was a sinner, he was a HUGE sinner- and his life of sin makes him better for preaching because people who need to get rid of that stuff can’t go to someone who has never experienced that stuff. He went so far as to glorify his sin because it made him connect better. And I used to think like that, too… But glorifying sin isn’t good.

Anyway- long story short, the movie ends with this young boy coming up for healing. He has been for healing before, his sister told Jonas (Steve Martin’s character). As a matter of fact, the preacher even told him it was God’s will to heal him. But he had the audacity to tell the kid that it was his own fault he wasn’t healed, because his faith wasn’t strong enough! From then on, Jonas tries not to do anything to entice this kid. But the kid comes to the final meeting for being healed- he was in a car accident and can’t use his legs. The boy ACTUALLY gets healed- like a REAL miracle! All Jonas has been preaching has been fake- this was real. The movie ends with him leaving his flashy coat on the bed and disappearing.

there was a conversation toward the end, after the kid got healed. he came to the tent after the meeting and talked with Steve Martin- a conversation that goes like this:

SM: IK've been conning people since I was about your age and there's one thing I've learned. It's to be able to spot the genuine article. Don't worry about the cops- you can always get around the cops. But you CAN'T get around the genuine article. And you, kid, are the genuine article.

kid: are you saying that you think you're a fake?

SM: Kid, I'm saying that I KNOW I'm a fake.

kid: As long as you get the job done, what's the difference?

SM: Kid, it makes all the difference in the world.

You see- when you have an encounter with the true living God, you can’t help but be changed. And if you’ve been doing it wrong your whole life, you’re blown out of the water. It’s… amazing. But God’s healing doesn’t come in proportion to our faith- because there are people who have REAL faith and haven’t been healed. It’s just a mystery how God works. But when God really hits- it’s not something we can resist, and it’s not something we can walk away from. Not because we really can’t choose that, but because it’s so intense that we can’t imagine anything else.

Side notes- I forgot that Liam Neeson is in this movie. Martin’s character has got a crew that is in on his schemes- they look at each other for every “miracle” and realize they’ve contrived it all. Some of them aren’t all that good of actors. I think the choir that he has is unknowing about his scheming.

But this shocked me most of all: Steve Martin’s hair is not white. Is this the ONLY thing he’s ever done in front of a camera that his hair isn’t white?

Pray for me (part II)

I seem to be on a kick for sequels...

Please pray for me- I need it. I am in a place that's new for me. A place that I knew no one before moving hee. It's a place similar to my first job out of college, except that then I was close to people I knew- now, not so much. I'm not... lonely, or homesick or anything. I just am asking for prayer, and that's a good place to start, i guess. Pray that I won't become those things.

Pray for me because i'm doing a youth ministry/worhsip ministry job (which could make full time) currently part-time. I could easily put in LOTS of time doing many things- particularly since both of my positions have been more or less unfilled before I arrived. Or at least, were manned by people with standards for excellence that are different from mine (not to sound proud here... ex- organization of music- I have a system that makes music look uniform and keeps it well organized. Before I got here, it was just all kinda thrown together, kind of organized and music that was printed from wherever, sometimes just blatantly wrong, and all pieces looking different from the other pieces of music). Pray for me, please.

Pray for me because i'm scared. My last position, while I treasure it, had it's moments of rough spots. That is leading me to expect similar things here. I'm afraid that I'll be less than a year into the job and get accused of not having close connections/relationships with the students. I'm afraid that I'll be less than a year in and have my leadership decide that they don't care if I stay or go, but every one of them have a different reason that I'm not meeting his or her expectations. I'm frightened by the prospect of feeling that those who should be my biggest supporters are the quickest to call for my job when things go south for the whole church. And those who claimed to be my biggest supporters. I'm afraid that I will not be given adequate time to do a work that requires lots of time! If the teenagers aren't "loyal to me" or "on my side" in 8 months, that's not because I'm not doing anything. It's because that expectation takes TIME. I'm afraid I won't have that time.

This fear may not be founded- and it's not because I expect that will happen with this group of people, but then again- I didn't expect it at New Hope, either! I understand that there were reasons why my position was cut- and it had a lot to do with finances, but... I was burned by other experiences- and the aftermath of the last experience. Unfortunately, that leaves me in a tough spot. It's like after a break up in a relationship- the person who didn't do the breaking up (in particular) is not necessarily ready to trust too quickly. Healing is required. And while I may WANT to trust, it's hard to. Because, everywhere I go- people are human. I can trust God because I've NEVER been let down by God. God has ALWAYS been faithful! But people- even those closest to me... I don't want to expect the worst from them, but let's be honest, no one is perfect. I've let others down in the past.

I'm also afraid that I'll work my butt off and find myself not any closer in a year to where I want to be. And beyond that, I KNOW I'm inadequate to do this job. Learned that last time- I had little leaning/dependence on Jesus for anything. I did a LOT of stuff in my natural person- in some ways becasue i felt that was the way of the people who were my leadership team- I felt like decisions were made with little spiritual insight, but primarily due to how things looked naturally. And I operated in large part out of that (though not completely). But here, I'm realizing more and more that dependence on me will leave me feeling as empty, poured out and dry as I was when I left New Hope. I felt completely empty, as though I'd poured out all of me and not been refilled (and I had a personal spiritual retreat a month before I left- so I was REALLY dry). And I can't be there now- not while the only support system I have nearby is Rachel.

So pray for me- because i feel like these fears/inhibitions and others maybe shouldn't be here. I felt before we moved out here, a peace about this move. I felt like it was God's plan, God's timing! And He's been more than faithful to us all along the way for this trip (and every other step I've taken). There's no reason for me to be feeling these things except for remebrances from the past. God has not changed His mind about me being here, and we haven't been here long enough that it's time to move on! I do not doubt that I belong here- because if this is where God was leading me a month ago, it's where I'm supposed to be now! But I have all these questions/fears about being here- that are unfounded and probably not right to give time to. Pray for me, please... if you will.

Cotton Candy Preachers (part II)

This is somewhat of a follow up to one of my earlier posts I put up about 9 months ago. That post was trying more to be funny and get people to recognize a problem. I believe now, more than then, that it is a very GRAVE issue for the church. I was, and still am no writer, but I've said things that I've REALLY wanted to get out there before. And this is one worth reiterating. I wrote this as a comment on a friend's blog and then decided that it was long enough and worth posting here as a stand-alone entry. anyway- here it is:

anyone else feel like we heard someone like Joel Osteen at least once a year in school? They’re called motivational speakers! (Hi kids, my name in Matt Foley and I AM a motivational speaker… I am 35 years old, thrice divorced, I live on a steady diet of government cheese, and I live in a VAN down by the RIVER!!!)

theres’ nothing overtly, or subvertly for that matter, Christian about those resolutions. I’m disturbed by the fact that Joel Osteen has not finished college (or at least, not when he started). He took over Lakewood when his father died after having been a camera man behind the cameras (always feeling a bit shy, he said) for the videoing of the services. (I guess you could say he knows about all aspects of the ministry there, now…) but he had dropped out of college. I just read a convincing answer to a question, which i agreed with anyway, by Keith Drury (see opinion question #6) about how important it is for our pastors to be educated people, especially in the Bible (no offense to Luke- I do not mean simply college class type education, although for most people, that is the easiest and likely only way to measure education).

to quote “I expect my dentist to know what a root canal is. I want my auto mechanic to recognize a carburetor or fuel injection system. I expect my doctor to know which symptoms indicate which sickness. And I, like most people, expect my minister to know the Bible, theology, church history and the practical management of the church.” Is it not wrong that the leader of one of the largest churches in America does not seem to have the foggiest idea of those things? He seems to either:
a) only have the ability to discern the Bible enough to feed the people in his church spiritual milk OR:
b) has the capacity to discern more than milk, but chooses not to feed peopl any more than that,
and Hebrews 5:12-13 is clear that spiritual milk is for babies- grown Christians should not accustom themselves to it!

anyway- sorry to make such a long response. I feel very strongly about this issue- it seems, especially due to the popularity of men like Joel Osteen, that the church in America is headed down a path toward being permanent spiritual children. And spiritual children have the maturity and actions comparable to REAL children… is this not a scary thought for the state of Christianity in America?

I'll be home for Christmas...

I'm home. for the first time in a long time... home. Rachel and I finalized on an apartment in Medford, OR today. We are moving in tomorrow- our trailer with our furniture and stuff is going to be delivered tomorrow for us to unload. I'm not writing this from my new "home", but in a very REAL sense, I'm home. I've been here for less than a week, but i've been working some at the church, did a worship practice tonight, and have been planning a few things... I feel like some of the kids in the youth group already like me a lot- one of the kids who is the drummer told me that he would has not been this excited about practicing, or worship, for a long time. that's pretty good..

so i'm settling in. moving in tomorrow... and I feel like this is right. it'll take a little while to feel comfortable with the area, but it's kinda like the area i grew up in- on a larger scale- instead of the one, big sprawling suburb of the east coast, this is town here, town there, but... larger scale. it's a beautiful area- it was mostly cloudy today, but the breaks in the clouds, the sun coming through- it was as beautiful as you could imagine... there are mountains pretty much all around us- i can't WAIT to get an hour and a half west to the coast, or up to Crater Lake.

But I feel good- a little overwhelmed- there's a LOT to do in the settling in, moving our stuff, getting an apartment and just the whole moving/Christmas/busy time of year anyway- i feel like it's going to take me a while till i get totally comfortable, get a bit of a schedule going on, and my second job- whatever that may be.

Long story short- so far we feel pretty loved. When we move out of Kerry and Terri's house and are on our own again, and not around people as much, who knows what we'll feel, but...

This is going to be good... we're going to do well here. Just pray for us- but not pray for us like we're struggling. pray for us, we're on our big step of faith. But we're good... we're praying- pray with us.

the big Five-Oh

yup, that's right- according to blogger, this is my fiftieth post (or 50th for those of you who prefer the numerical). I kinda feel like Strong Bad must have when he did his 50th e-mail. except there is no party with mine, and no 50 e-mails to respond to. it would be cool to get 50 comments, tho...

however, that seems quite unlikely. i'm just reflecting a little now... I'm a man without a home. I am leaving where I have been for the past week and a half today- northern maine. the place where i grew up, the place I called home for more than 20 years of my life, and the place where my mom still lives, and my family still inhabits. I have dozens of friends up here, lots of people whom i could continue building solid friendships and relationships. I have a church up here that I could call home, a ministry i could be involved in, and confidants in whom i could trust and confide.

yet, it is not home for me. It's not where i belong, and thoough I may like being here, it's simply not my home.

I am on my way back down to Pennsylvania- to an area where my wife's family lives, and to an area i've lived for the past year an a half of my life. I had called it home once, but no longer. I had laid my head not more than an hour away from this place for 4 and a half years of my life, in college, and in the job hunting stage thereafter, but it was never really home. however, i have again, a church i could go to, lots of friends, people who love me, ministry i could be involved in... etc, etc.. and again, it is not home. i do not belong... i'm simply passing through, and this time it is even more evident.

I leave in a week and a half to go to Oregon. Medford, to be exact. I have been there once, have accepted a part-time job out there and rachel and I are on our way. shortly. The funny thing is, it will take a while to call this place home. I have no more friends there than I was able to meet in a weekend- mostly acquaintances at that... I have a church to be involved in, but my first experiences there will be jumping in and leading stuff. I look forward to building relationships, and look forward to making it my home, but it's hard to call it that now- not with having not yet lived there, and not been there very long...

So where is home? i don't know- i only have a place to rest my head. Rachel and I both. And not that I compare myself to Jesus, but... didn't Jesus have no place to call His home when He was here? maybe it's cuz this place, any place we may be isn't our home... We're just passing through...

maybe... but that doesn't mean we don't take care of it, or we don't care about people... it simply means that we do not become too attached to any of it... i guess it's hard for me to feel attachment to places... now it is, anyway...

the black (from last post)

so the black from "Back (in black)"- it's the traditional mourning of black- i was here earlier than my original anticipation (the week of thanksgiving) for a reason. Sure, it will allow me to spend time with people who i know will be gone when i'd have been here for thanksgiving, sure it allows rachel and i to spend thanksgiving with her folks and familiy before we move to oregon, and still gives us time with my family and friends in maine.

but the real reason i flew up here by myself on thursday was becasue of my grandfather. He was dying and i felt the need to be here- it has been a year since i've seen he or my grandmother- he was not doing well and couldn't make it to my wedding, which i know he was not happy about. he has always loved my brothers and i, and although getting older, i remembered more of his old farmer personality traits, the last few years i have seen a total turnaround in him.

and i wanted to get here to see him- to talk to him, to share with him- to let him know that i really do love him. and i got to do that thursday. and friday morning, before i could make it over to the farm, he died. But i got those hours with him on thursday, and i got to just talk to him. in a way, i was telling him with more than words that i truly do love him.

had i driven up on thursday as some had suggested i do, and let rachel fly up here later (which she's driving up in a few days)- i would likely have not made it over. or would have been too exhausted to spend good quality time there. i would have driven all day thursday and been exhausted. I have strayed away from talking about God in things that seem to be the natural way of the world more recently- not because I don't believe God is working, but more because i was working with a man who doesn't try to see God controlling everything- that is, God, while is in control, is not manipulating every little aspect of life... But i am not there... I experienced it... I do not fall in that camp, at least, not to the extent i did, and he does...

i honestly believe that God worked in my ability to get a low fare on the plane, having a friend who was able to pick me up at the airport, and other circumstances, which could be chalked up to normal life things, to allow me to come here and be here for my grandfather. Sure, i could have made it for the viewing and service, or the graveside service, but... that would have been for me and for the family- i got to get here for gramp. because he enjoyed having me here with him. i can tell...

and now, mourning like one with hope, i am hopeful and have faith in his destiny, in his life that will no longer have cancer, heart disease, dentures and more... I am not sad, save for those of us who are left who now live without that friend, confidant, listener, and one who is wise, one who loves- we are deprived now, not he- for he is no longer privy to pain or disease. we are the ones who no longer have him... but my joy comes from a deeper source... A God who would work in the circumstances of life to bring me home at just the right time... my joy is made complete in Him, and knowing that gramp is with him, maybe even driving his little 4-wheeler around somewhere- hehe ;-)

Back (in black)

I'm back... in Maine. have missed this place- and Rachel has seen (and heard) my desire to be back here for at least a little while... i may still not be called here, but enjoy the time that i get here- and it's not often enough... i'm not happy with the reason i am here earlier than expected, but... and thank you to Luke for picking me up at the airport- it was nice of him to "take time off" from work to meet me there. hehehe...

anyway- i feel good about being here, although i miss rachel dearly and can't wait for her to come... just about everything has a feeling of nostalgia to it right now- including waking up at 6 am and heading out to the hunter's breakfast... mmm... good food.

feels good to be "home" and i'm sure the time will likely not be long enough that i am here... hope to see those of you here, and hope to spend some good time with you... and i may be inspired enough to continue blogging...

say what?

I have two comments to make...

First of all- Pat Robertson- why in the world is this guy the spokesman for christianity in America? on the other hand- don't we love how the news media twists things? I'm not saying that Pat Robertson's comments about the Dover, PA school district stuff was good, but the headlines for the news just twist it. Robertson even said that "I'm not saying there's going to be any disaster, but if there is..." and then went on. But the headlines- "Robertson warns Dover, PA of God's wrath"- say what? He said don't call on God when you're in trouble, he didn't say God's gonna give you all the trouble you can handle!!! but then again, i mentioned i don't agree with him, either- the God i serve- He's not vindictive! He may have been "voted out" as though life were an episode of survivor and God was one of the contestants with us, but... (by the way- i think they should try to vote out the host of the show sometime- wouldn't that be a great twist?) God is not now going to be spiteful and say "I hate you, will never help you and have fun in h-e-double hockey sticks (because God never swears)". so i'm very unhappy about both sides on this...

now on the sides of the idiots who want to stir controversy. I read the 4 paragraph statement that is read about intelligent design. and one of the paragraphs is only a sentence. I actually don't think there's anything not politically correct about it. Because it says plainly that evolution is not the only accepted view (which liberals should love because saying evolution is the only correct view is narrow minded and judgemental of those who believe otherwise- a big no no), but does not say God created everything. it states that there is another view, known as intelligent design- and you can find out more about it by reading a certain book. The greatest thing about the statement is this- it tells students that they are required to teach evolution, and will be standardly tested on evolution... that means that students like me, if i'd been tested, when asked about the creation of the world- i wouldn't have picked big bang, or anything evolution related- i would have said something about creation, and likely been given a big fat F for getting it "wong". so this says to students- you don't have to believe it, but you will be tested on it, so... still please learn it, at least...

life...

So, I've thought a little about this tonight- in large part because of having just finished watching 7th heaven- and I've come to this conclusion. We, as Christians, are too critical of the wrong things and not enough of the things we should be. Case in point- 7th heaven. This show is a "good" show, Christians love it because he's a minister, because it's a family trying to live by faith...

But I cannot stand it from that stand point. becasue it feeds us half-truths. Just tonight, Eric (the father, minister, snooper, sticker of his nose where it doesn't belong) said something to his daughter (who is now his associate pastor) about how we need to trust in life to work itself out- or something like that. Then she says, yes, I guess i need to trust in a higher power... etc, etc- doesn't matter what she said because they both just missed the opportunity to teach truth. But I don't supose that's their desire.

We should be more ashamed of this, or "touched by an angel"'s consister "God loves you" and nothing else beyond it. This should bother us more because they are shows with partial truth, but they fall short of the goal. A show about gays shouldn't bother us- because it has no guise or pretense to it- it is what it is. it's not supposed to be Chrisitian.

Take this to life- we get more bothered by the non-Christians who sin than we do by Christians who only go half-way in their faith. Although God hates sin, we cannot expect someone without faith to be "moral". We shouldn't expect it- and we shouldn't expect them to do anything to come to Christ. But our Christian friends who only go half-way are ok because at least they're in church, right? or at least they look ok, right?

it's time those of faith really live it, and no judgement on those who don't claim it. Can a sick person heal himself? no! Should a person who has the cure leave it on the shelf? no again!

Pray for me

In case you can't tell, i'm struggling. I've been struggling, wresting with a few things. Not the least of which is what is Rachel's and my next step. But, I trust God is good. yes, I truly do trust that. Because good isn't always my definition, but God is good. and He asks that I trust in that, even when sometimes it appears otherwise.

No, what i'm really wrestling with here is people. I'm really struggling with a leadership team that VERY quickly tells a church that giving must increase or they will be forced to cut staff. I struggled hard with them deciding only one week later to cut me as staff. I know that even with myself and the other expendible staff person gone, they may not come even. But they did not cut her position then. She had been the most recent addition, and she was paid less than I. People assumed that she would be the first to go. But they were wrong, and I could have told them that. But no one thought to inform them that my job was going to be first on the chopping block.

I struggle with the fact that it has been two months since I was cut and she is still working away there, even though my last month there, the church broke even and since i've been gone, they've come out losing. Weekly. I do not doubt the honesty of the reason for my dismissal being funds. But I do believe that there was something else that either consciously, or subconsciously affected their decision.

I struggle with the fact that the leadership claimed this was in the best interest of the church, yet, the only positive that can be found is in the finances, which are still struggling. It is not beneficial to the church to have volunteers leading the three ministries I did. It is not beneficial to the teens to have ANOTHER leader to have to try to get to know and trust- especially since some will not try. It is not beneficial for the church to have people in the church mistrusting the leadership team and telling others that they think that the church was not honest or right in cutting me. It is not beneficial for the sheep, when they are in disarray, to lose one of their shepherds. It is not beneficial to the church that one of the volunteer leaders to fill my place is part of what many felt was the problem in the young adult ministry. And it's not beneficial that he is now leading an exclusive small group for few while the rest of the young adults are unable to be a part, and have nothing offered for them. See, small groups only work if you have them for any who want to be a part.

I struggle. I wrestle. I struggled every time i saw a member of the leadership team to not feel betrayed by them, who claimed to be behind me. I struggle even now to not feel betrayed by them. I struggle with the fact that they claimed to be on my side, they claimed to back me, but when push came to shove, twice they unanimously canned me.

I struggle with the fact that they make decisions for the whole church, but I do not think they're too connected to the people. The two young adults on the team are part of the "old crew" that new people feel on the outside of. The other man on the team has a family, but has not been involved in church life much. His connection was that his son was in the youth group. And the woman, although I believe she's truly tuned to God and is a very Godly woman, also was not too connected to some people in the church. yet, they make decisions for the good of the church. I struggle with the fact that I believe, had they been better connected to people in the church, that I believe they would have realized that downsizing me was only going to positively affect the finances, but was going to negatively affect much more. And I struggle with trying to keep a high view of the church at this point in time. I do, and I wish the best for them.

I struggle not to get bitter, although I can say that I do not feel bitter (these feelings are not resentment, or bitterness- they are my observation. I do feel betrayed maybe, but i'm not bitter about losing my job because i would not take it back if they offered it to me). I struggle, mostly, with what the next step is. They may have felt that I could find something easily. I haven't. They may have felt it would not be long- it's been too long. They may have felt that there would be no problem with me pursuing my calling beyond New Hope. But I have had problems... And this causes me to struggle. I was ready to leave because it was obvious that the leadership didn't want me there, but I wasn't ready to leave the people, who made me feel even more that they were not happy with my leaving. And I struggle because I cannot help but feel that their decision was wrong...

But mostly, I struggle with how do i fulfill my calling when i'm not even where I feel I'm called to be. Pray for me... I do not hold resentment toward my former leadership team, although I feel they were in error in their thinking. But I do struggle for the life of the church. And I struggle to know what the next step is.

maybe it's time for me to stop struggling and wrestling... maybe it's time for me to let go... maybe it's time...

Called

I am in a precarious place. I feel called. But I am not there. I feel a definite call to ministry- a desire to be a servant of the servants of Christ. My heart and my life have been dedicated and consecrated to serving God's purposes. And more specifically, I feel called to lead teenagers. Lead them to Christ, be there for them, be involved in their lives, and ultimately, see the gospel ring true in their lives. I feel compelled to use music and worship as a part of this, and yet know that some teens just aren't ready for that. But I must do what I am called to do.

But I am not doing that right now. I am searching, hard, to find the next step- since my first ministry position was cut short. It was a hard goodbye, and many people still do not feel the leadership did right by the people in the church. But that's neither here nor there. What is reality is that were i offered my old job back, I would say not. I am without a job- meaning that my passion and what my livelihood are unfulfilled. I am a man who is being dragged down because he is unable to fulfill His God-given calling. This is not due to a lack of looking, it is due to the fact that no one has felt led by the Spirit to offer me the position they have open. In all fairness, most of them have not offered me anything, even a simple acknowledgement of recieving my resume. But those who have talked with me have said no, or nothing at all. But, again, in fairness, some of the churches that have said no I have not felt as good about, anyway.

But I digress. I feel called, and yet... I am not there. However, I am here. And where I am is not where I feel called to. I'm living in lancaster county, a nice place, a nice area. But I have nothing here. Family of my wife, and a community- no- family, that I can no longer call my own. I've been, at the request of the "parents" of that family, disowned. Not that I can blame them- they are moving into volunteer leaders to fill my position, and they do not want other vying with me for loyalty. I did have a number of people who would support me even now. I do not need to make it harder on the volunteers. But I still feel like a man who has been asked to leave his family. I can still talk with some of them, but our weekly family gatherings are off-limits to me. This place can no longer be called my home. And by this place, I mean this area where I have nothing except my wife.

It is interesting- I was talking with Luke the other day and he is also leaving his position. Feeling similar things- hurts for the teenagers he leave behind, desire for community, etc... And he told me that he is still called to Presque Isle, Maine. Different calling... He is in the place he feels called to, he just needs to figure out what his role is now. I, on the other hand, feel called to the role, but have no idea what the place...

Who is right? or is there right? And whose position do you not envy? personally, i feel like i'm in the tougher place... But I suppose he may disagree...

Calling- strange... Do we ever feel "uncalled"?